Friday, 31 July 2009

Dead News Day

Nothing much seems to have happened today. The Colonials are still talking about Obama recreating an episode of Cheers. The Iranians are still shooting people every 40 days. Labour is still in electoral meltdown. The MoD are still a bunch of idiots, no matter what the Defence Secretary says when he takes 5 minutes out of his holiday. The papers are still covering the divorce of Peter Andre and Katie Price, and I still can’t motivate myself to care one little bit. In fact I will go as far as saying that “can’t motivate myself” is too week a string of words to describe the gaping black hole of anti-matter that sucks in all possible cares whatsoever on this subject. Hollywood is still remaking shit versions of really cool films that don’t need to be remade. The Home Office still trying to shift ID cards that nobody wants, and I still can’t shift a hangover, and general sense of lethargy that I get ever time I haven’t visited a foreign country for more than a month.

On the plus side we seem to be doing OK in the Cricket.

Thursday, 30 July 2009


Several regular readers have had conversations with me about American Blogger, Roissy. Travelgall, for example thinks he's satire. And since I pointed him out to Juliette, who loved it at first, but now hates him, I thought I'd share my thoughts. I can't work out what I think of him. Whilst I like the fact that he puts his truth out there, and a lot of what he says makes sense and pearls of wisdom like the following should be taught to girls at school in sex-ed...

Your woman must be either an angel on earth, or a dirty whore. A middle of the road typical chick with gangbang experience under her belt or a commitment to the three date rule isn’t going to cut it. If you want to lift yourself to the heights of ecstacy you must feel like you are piercing the womanhood of a truly uncorrupted vagina, or, on the opposite end, spiralling downward into the pits of sin with a filthy slut.
...Because he does understand the id which drives the basest human desires: he's right, for example about the 3-date rule. Girls I've loved have always fucked on the first date, or held out for much, much longer. But they don't detract from the fact that reading his blog is like looking at a mysoginistic, racist car crash. It's often unpleasant, but you can't take your eyes away.

Not a bad-looking bloke. I wonder if he's standing on tip-toe?

There is the nagging suspicion that the constant banging on about Alpha superiority is a cover for a less-than-Alpha existence. The constant need to pick up new girls could be covering for an impotence which means he probably needs to have new "pussy" every night. The girls clearly just don't stick around to be "gamed" into spending another night night with a flaccid cock. Allegations of impotence, or indeed closet homosexuality are easy to make, but the fact is we have no evidence either way. He has said that Roissy is an alter-ego, and not the real him. Whatever the reality of Roissy's life, as a 37 year-old single Pick Up Artist and self-confessed player, he may be an 'Alpha' by his own standards, he can dish out, but can't take, which marks him out as a bully, and the lack of respect for people marks him as much less than a Gentleman.

Like a poundstretcher version of Patrick Bateman. (Thank-you, for that one, Juliette)

Public Speaking

Caught up in a world of uphill climbing The tears are in my mind And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy

It seems Lord Mandelson has had a spiffing idea; right up there with those nitwits who tie 200 helium balloons to their garden chairs/slabs of beer and shoot off into the ionosphere with a sharp stick. He’s decided that our Prime Minister, a man who only carries out the 7 Characteristics of life because Lord Mandy tells him to, is fit for a TV debate with David Cameron. Now I may have taken the mickey out of his swearing – see below. But the Conservative leader is an intelligent and articulate leader brimming with ideas (obviously not all of them will work, but at least he has solutions, not more and more problems) on how to take the country forward after being incompetently run under ZanuLabour. The words Intelligent and Articulate are not words one would use to describe Gordon Brown. Indeed “Moron” and “Mentally Retarded Violent Sociopath” would probably fit the bill.

I can see the discussion now. “Blah, Blah, Blah. Tractor Stats, Started In America, Tory Cuts, Tractor stats, Started in America”. With Gordon sweating like Garry Glitter at an NSPCC Fundraiser as he makes a bigger and bigger arse of himself. “Started in America, Tory Cuts, Cuts Tory, America In started it, Does Not Compute, Does Not Compute Bzzz Bzzz”. The only hope he has is that the BBC get the rights for the debate. The Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation is so irredeemably biased Gordo might stand a chance. They’ll let him evade the question, trot out his meaningless tractor stats, and save their wrath of the Guardian reading righteous for Cameron. They better not let an audience in though (unless its BBC staff of course), they’ll be too tempted to lynch him.

Oh and obviously we have the Lib Dums insisting on equal Billing. If the minor parties are allowed this will descend into a farce; with the Watermelons, Screaming Lord Such and the BNP also putting their 4 pennies worth in.

However I very much believe that this will not happen. I suspect that when they carry out a test of our glorious leader, they’ll ditch the idea after about 18 straight hours of smiling practice. Either that or Gordon, author of books on Courage (you can still find them in that bargain book place next to Waterloo station if you look hard enough) will do a Sir Robin.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

That Cameron interview in Full

In an interview with Christian O’Connell, David Cameron was caught swearing. I have the full transcript here.

Christian O’Connell. “Good Afternoon listeners. Today we have a special interview with the leader of the Opposition and, if the polls are to be believed, future Prime Minister of Great Britain. Welcome Mr Cameron”.

David Cameron M.P. “Yo Bitch”

C O’C Now Mr Cameron, The people of this country are expecting great a great many changes from the Conservatives if elected. Can you tell me what you will do better?

David Cameron MP “Couldn’t do a fucking worse job could I. That One Eyed Twat, sorry this is an early morning programme, can I say ‘One eyed’ on air?”

C O’C “Yes”

David Cameron MP “You’re the Bollocks Christian, as I was saying that One Eyed fuckwit who’se been running our economy like it's pissing cash is exactly how we’re not going to run things. Lazy state-scrounging Motherfuckers can fuck a fucking doughnut. Going to pay off the motherfucking debt. Basically what I’m promising is that whilst the global economy is giving us an arse fucking I’ll make sure that the British people at least get a reach around.

C O’C “And what do you think of the MOD trying to take compensation off British Soldiers”.

David Cameron MP “I think that the cockblock in question should have his fucking nads attached to a Warrior and the tosspot should be driven round Helmand with a big fucking target painted on his fucking arse.

C O’C “No arguments there David. And what do you say to the argument that Gordon Brown due to his enervated position is a mere figurehead for Peter Mandleson”.

David Cameron MP “I think that’s absolutely right Christian. That Fucking Nob Jockey boned the British People by leaving El Twat Supremo in Power for another year. He should fuck off back to Brussels.

C O’C Do you believe you can win the election?

David Cameron MP Motherfuckers Going down like a High Class whore.

C O'C What is the aim of Conservative policy in regards to the alarming rise in Teenage Pregnancies?

David Cameron MP "Cock sockets can find somebody else but John Q Taxpayer to pay for their consequence free fucking".

C O’C “Do you believe the smaller political parties threaten to fragment the Labour Vote?”

David Cameron MP “Damn Straight. They're as much use as tits on a fish. Liberal Democrat Pussies. But if they Bitch slap Labour that’s all I care about. Except the BNP, those fucking cockfags can stick their Swastikas up their ringpieces”.

C O’C “What do you think of Twitter?”

David Cameron MP “It’s for cunts”

C O’C “Well that was certainly a refreshing and candid interview. Thank you very much Mr Cameron”.

David Cameron MP “No fucking biggie”.

Why Women are to Blame for the Credit Crunch

Women select men for their attributes as a mate, and vice versa. The ultimate aim of life being to pair up with the best possible mate, and raise nice children. To further this aim, Men like pretty, young, demure women about as intelligent as they are themselves. (Contrary to perceptions, men don't like bimbos. At least not for long term relationships.) Many men, however show a marked aversion to women who earn more than they do, probably because women who 'go get' will be lousy, neglectful mothers (and this may even have been true once, back in the distant evolutionary past). Women on the other hand, like strong, rich, tall, dominant, high-status men who get the goodies who don't mind if their man is brighter or better paid than they are, probably because back in the evolutionary past, men concerned themselves with getting protein from big beasts, and defending the tribe from other men. New Men would have been cuckolds or lunch - evolutionary death.

Thus, if we chaps want to get laid with a hottie (and we do) we have to be big, strong, high status, and ideally rich, with a devil-may-care attitude to risk, because these things were correlated with success in hunting and war back when female sexual preferences were evolving.

Men, by comparison are not that much interested in shagging a woman's bank balance, so a woman's wealth does not alter her status on the mating market, though money may buy things like nice teeth and lustrous hair which do. On the other hand, the only thing which really drives a man's status and desirability up is money, which is distilled power, and it is that power which drops knickers. So getting to the top of the greasy pole pays men directly in the only currency that will never devalue: Access to a high-status Quim mate.

Thus it pays men to take risks. Therefore men take risks to get to the top more than women, who tend to play it safe. So men who take a few risks end up running things.

Which is a good thing, because if your generic risk-averse 'mum' ran things 100,000 years ago, we'd never have gone to have a look at what was over the valley yonder because we'd never have got home for tea; we'd be a bunch of dry bones in Ethiopia and investment banking would never have been invented.

So when Robert Peston lays into men by saying

...women had a lucky escape: they are only innocent of this particular crime against global prosperity because men unfairly elbowed them out of the way in the unseemly race to the top.

And there must be some truth in the notion that we'll only be a fair society when we can heap opprobrium on women for a banking crisis (of course they had their moment in the sun in respect of responsibility for a recession with Margaret Thatcher's economic contraction of almost 30 years ago).
He manages to be a patronising twat, avoid the real issue as to why there are few women at the top (it isn't discrimination, it's that fewer women decide the extra work, stress and hassle is worth it and decide to live their lives rather than work them) and get a dig into St, Margaret of Thatcher. All in one spectacularly ignorant, licence fee-funded post.

Men are clay, shaped by women's sexual preferences just as Women are shaped by men's sexual preferences. We're a species. We're all to blame. For everything. So if "men" are to blame for the recession, it's because that's the way you made us, girls. In any case, we're the ones suffering the most, so you can thank your lucky, risk-averse stars for that one.

Will people stop blaming "risk taking" for the recession and just accept that recessions happen from time to time, and they're usually worse under the party founded on that ultimate expression of the principle of risk-aversion: The socialists of the Labour party.

On Sunbeds, Rickets and the need to Fuck off.

This morning I awoke to news that there was a report out which had all manner of busy bodies and other assorted prodnoses calling for more regulation of "the sunbed industry". Adding the word "industry" to anything seems to be a bien-pensant dog-whistle to the ancient prejudice of the British upper classes against "trade".

Life gives you cancer. And if you're not exposed to UV radiation, it also gives you rickets. So there has been a rise in a disease of Malnutrition recently because people who are not adapted to our environment do not produce enough vitamin D in their skin, hence the prevalence of rickets amongst Asians (particularly women, who cover up) and Afro-Caribbeans. This is especially true in Scotland, where the sun's occasional appearance has the terrified natives running to church and burning widows to appease God's wrath made real by the terrifying fire in the sky.

Unmelanated skin is an adaptation to low levels of UV radiation at high latitudes. The increase in Vitamin D production in the skin offsets a greater likelihood of debilitating sunburn and eventual cancer. The flip-side is that were I to go and live in southern India, for example, I would spend all day, every day hiding from the sun, before immediately dying of a malignant melanoma.

Everything is a trade-off. Every hour I spend exercising, I could be working, but do so because it makes me feel better. At work every hour I spend reading research, I could be chasing client leads.

Unfortunately for me (probably the pastiest man in NATO), tanned skin is considered attractive. Therefore I take on a small risk of cancer by going shirtless when I can, to prevent a greater risk of not getting laid.

But that personal choice wouldn't be enough for the risk-averse busy-bodies who wish to remove all fun from life, and want to do so by regulating every waking moment and controlling what we eat and drink. And people who exercise (without playing risky sports, like Rugby) and don't drink (and seem to have an increased risk of death anyway) and eat healthily, and never have sex, let alone the unprotected kind. Such people might find that when they're cycling from their green, energy efficient home to their eco-office to do a job deciding what proles can and cannot do with their money, might still get hit by a metiorite on the way. Or will if there's any justice in the world.


Here's a message to the Bansturbators. Before you get to work on "regulating" the "tanning industry" why don't you just leave us the fuck alone? You cunts.

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Filling your time.

It seems despite increasing opposition to his Health Bill, Afghanistan, the Global recession et all President Obama still has time to have a pointless meeting between Himself, Henry Louis Gates Jr and the Copper - (Officer Crowley) that nicked him. You would think after putting his 4 pennies worth in last time he would learn to butt out. Nooo Apparently not! That’s the problem when people spend every waking moment blowing smoke up your arse, you think you have to micromanage everything. Is it me or should this be a very short conversation.

Gates Jr. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole. I realise now you were trying to protect my property, not plant a burning cross on it. I just had a really bad day; and being a Liberal Lecturer I have a sense of smug superiority that just comes out of my mouth at inappropriate times.”
Cop “Don’t sweat it, I get called far worse things all the time. Comes with the job I suppose”
President “Does anybody want some souvenir White House mints, slippers and 25 DVDs I was going to give that Limey prick the next time he comes over again as a joke? Doesn't look like he's coming now.”

Britblog Roundup # 232

This week's pick of the British Blogosphere is up over at Amused Cynicism. Next week it's here, so start picking your posts, people.

Austerity Britain. Why I don't care

There is a massive shortage of money in the public sector, and commentators are suggesting that this will lead to a 1950's style period of 'Austerity'. Whilst this leaves statists on the left salivating at the prospect of curing obesity and global warming by a return of food and petrol rationing, I think there will be less effect on the man on the street than the headlines suggest.

Basically we're already paying as much in payroll taxes as we will bear, this isn't going up even under Brown because, he'd get lynched if he tried, and the Tories are merely mewling about 'green taxes' which means 'soak the motorist'. So unless you really, really need to drive a lot (and I cycle everywhere), then the Government isn't going to cost you much more in the short term.

So what about the services my taxes are supposed to pay for? What about these 'vital public services' that are going to be "slashed" by the Tories, by as much as 10%?

The short answer is I don't use 'em.

The long answer is that you can cut costs without losing vital services. I couldn't give a shit if the local day-care centre went the way of the dodo. Likewise anything with outreach in its title. I don't receive benefits, and I couldn't care less if they are cut. There is nothing the council does which I use, except some of the sports pitches, but I have to pay for those, on top of council taxes I pay anyway. The roads are shit, and will probably continue to crumble, so at worst nothing will change and with a shortage, maybe the roads budget will be spent on filling potholes rather than grandiose traffic calming schemes which reduce the carrying capacity of the road and increase congestion, so things may even improve. I have no school-age children so schools are not an issue. In any case, I think a voucher will do more than an extra billion on the budget, so a Conservative GE victory may improve schools at no cost. Hospitals are rubbish now, and will remain so despite their funding being ring-fenced. And in any case, I'm very healthy and intend to stay that way. Bins are going to go to twice weekly collections what ever happens, so that can't get worse either.

I struggle to think of anything Government, local or national, does for me which goes close to justifying the obscene level of tax I pay. So a bit of austerity from the tax-payer funded sector is long overdue, meaning Diversity outreach coordinators and their like losing their jobs, meaning they will have to cut back expenditure on Guardian supplements and ill-fitting vaguely ethnic clothing. Which means the Guardian goes bust and so does the local hippy shop. Neither of which would trouble me with its passing.

If we can assume for example, that the MoD can shed some of its 100,000 pen pushers without having to cut any soldiers, sailors or airmen from the forces, and that you can shave some of the DoJ without losing coppers on the beat (which, inexplicably people seem to favour). You can gain efficiencies. Then there is the whole nannying quango state, which can fuck off in its entirety with as much effect on the country as a passerine's fart in the wind. Bye-Bye Equality and Human Rights Commission! Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out, Trevor.

So it is entirely possible that, as the Private sector recovers profitability, Austerity Britain will be felt entirely by people I neither know nor care about. People who I've been describing as parasites for most of the last few years. You know. The kind of cunt who's been keeping Gordon Brown in Downing street for 12 long years whilst drawing an overgenerous salary at the taxpayer's expense. Cuts do not have to mean fewer Soldiers, Teachers, Policemen and Nurses; they can get to keep their jobs, which may get easier without bureaucratic interference from complete cunts. Worthless state apparatchiks, however will lose theirs. En masse, if there's any justice.

And as the cardboard city under the motorway flyover fills up with unemployable social science graduates who no longer have a bureaucratic teat from which to suckle, I'm expected to feel sympathy. Which I will have to look up. Between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary, isn't it?

Monday, 27 July 2009

Cricket. In Paris.

This weekend, I took the Eurostar to Paris. Now this is the first time I've used the new Terminal at St. Pancras, and I rather miss the genius of diplomacy which used to see the trains to Paris leave from Waterloo station, which rubbed the French nose in their military uselessness whenever they came to London. But it has to be said: The new terminal is excellent. The seating at the international departure lounge is both plentiful and comfortable. The bars are stylish and accessible. The Train, though looking tired and dilapidated was comfortable and clean. The service was on time. And compared to the dingy, cramped and uncomfortable waiting area at Gare du Nord, frankly I was impressed with the British bit.

As this is a story of British public transport, there was an inevitable 'But'.

I was carrying my Brompton. Because I am a good boy-scout, prepared for every eventuality I carry a small repair kit whenever I go anywhere on a bike. I was carrying a multitool, a puncture repair kit and a spokey. The security monkeys at check-in objected to the presence of a multitool in my luggage because it contained a knife.

Get the knives off the street!

Unbelievably, when I pointed out that I was also carrying a cricket bat, which would be a far more effective weapon should I, for whatever reason want to kick off, perhaps smashing the skulls of stupid security wallahs (for example) who object to perfectly reasonable bicycle maintenance tools, they saw the ridiculousness of their objection and waved me through. I was not arrested, for what would inevitably be described as a "threatening outburst" but was merely a statement of fact. Nor did I recieve bum-rape off a truncheon in the cells wielded by a paramilitary Terrorism gestapo. Perhaps some good has come from the drop in the UK terrorism threat level of the UK from "seriously and dangerously paranoid" to "merely officious and unpleasant". I didn't try to take any photographs.

Anyway... onto the main event: We won the toss, put the SCC into bat, and they put on 249 for 6 in 40 overs, in which my analysis was 6 overs, 0 maidens 2-29. Respectable, and the pick of the bowlers (though others had seen off the openers). I was bowling off my absurd 18 pace run-up in borrowed trainers half a size too small and both my big toenails have subsequently turned black.

A tail-ender failing returning to the hutch, having failed to score a run

When I went in at number 11 later, however I did not trouble the scorers, as I ran out the other batsman without facing a ball. Yes. It is possible to do worse than a golden duck. It is because (possibly) that sitting in the sun, drinking heineken is not the best preparation for an innings. Or perhaps because I am useless anyway. Or more likely a bit of both.

Juvenal Cricket Club, July 2009

I think we lost by 100 runs or so... Mainly because we lost our batsmen early and our tail started somewhere around number 6. The opposition contained 2 members of the French national side and had some very good players. Despite the one-sided result the teams were actually reasonably matched: an excellent day was had by all.

There is something rather pleasing about playing cricket an a sunny day in Paris, on a ground over which flutters the Union Jack. It's like we never lost the Angevin empire...

Sunday, 26 July 2009

Weekend Shorts

I'm actually reassured that there is a "Near Earth Objects Task Group" lurking in the corridors of Whitehall. At least some of my taxes go to something useful.

Letters from a Tory points out a quote indicating that perhaps Cameron does have some balls.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Harman Denies Approach from Mystery Suitor

No, not a man wanting to get his balls cut off by the Harridan in Chief. This headline was from the FT.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

What I suspect happened in Cambridge.

Professor lost his keys and started breaking into his own house.
Concerned neighbours called the police.
Police arrive and confront suspect.
Professor shows ID.
Cops not convinced due to a clearly flustered Black man in a predominantly White area getting more flustered.
Professor gets embarrassed, remembers the times he got stopped because he was Black, remembers he’s an African American history professor, and starts mouthing off to cops (because I don’t know how many Professors you know, but they are King of their own little hill and don’t like people answering back)
Professor used to controlling a situation starts to try and control the Police whom he considers intellectually inferior – and makes damn sure they know it.
Police used to controlling a situation get pissed off with professor.
Professor starts to play race card, which pisses off Cop who has been previously commended for trying to save Black mans life.
Pissed off cops who were trying to protect his property slap the handcuffs on.
President of United States sees some votes in playing the race card castigates officer.
President of United States who sees his Health Care plan being blocked goes for the race card.
President of United States forgets that Politicians aren’t supposed to play around with the prosecution of the law (they just sign it off)
Cop who carried out the arrests goes on the Radio and tells them to butt out – and looks good doing it.
Large amounts of money get pumped into the race relations industry to try and compare this to Rodney King.
Race relations temporarily get worse, and more houses of Black people get robbed because the police think – “Aw screw it, not worth the hassle”.

Is this Police Racism?

Was that Harvard professor of victim politics a victim of police Racism when he was arrested for breaking into his own house? No. The police are just a bunch of cunts. Wherever, and whoever you are.

You give a man power of arrest, and he would rather use it safely (against the respectable citizen) than take risks (by dealing with potentially armed and aggressive scrotes). And the Police bleat about being "on the front line". With the Army taking casualties which no longer merit front page news, on an almost daily basis, the Police should have some fucking humility. Fishermen are more likely to die on the job than the box-ticking, health n' safety obsessed boys in blue, whose job doesn't even make it into the top 10.

There are some good guys, but they're fighting a culture which has become Them 'n Us... with no-one in the public being given the benefit of the doubt, and everyone getting dealt with administratively when a ticking off would usually suffice. Real crime is being ignored in favour of the Sanction-detection target. Crime is blighting more and more lives, while the police hassle people who really should just be left to get on with it.

I am not convinced that we would be worse off without a police force, especially without new Labour's speeding-obsessed bully-boys in black shirts, who seem to delight in assaulting non-violent drunks, raid an MPs office illegally and in force, yet cannot bring themselves to turn up to a burglary. And in doing so, they have broken the contract: we the public ask the police to protect us, and instead they can't be bothered to protect us, and prosecute us when we protect ourselves. As a result, the police are losing the consent of those they police.

What possible good do they do? Obviously, if we got rid of the welfare state too, then much of the petty criminal class whose lifestyle the welfare state subsidises, would either starve or be sucked into work, it is difficult to see how my life would be worse. Crime wasn't any more of a major problem before the police were invented than it is now. No doubt society would find a way to catch miscreants and bring them before the courts after the police have been disbanded. Perhaps the police could be reduced to crime investigators, with no functions of patrolling and harassment of the public, but a focus on bringing criminals to justice.

No victim, no complaint, no crime = Fewer people pissed off with the police.
Victim of crime, complaint, thorough investigation, prosecution = More people happy with the police.

The future of modern policing

Indeed if the police investigated crime only when there was a complaint, then the patrolling (which is what the public want the police to do), could be done by private business, and be responsive to, and respectful of the people who pay them. Just like in that right-wing, crime ridden hell-hole, San Francisco, the US's 12th largest city which despite being a diverse place, with massive income inequality manages to have crime rates at about the national average. Indeed it is the second safest major city in the US.

Locally elected sherrifs are a start, but if that doesn't get the police to behave themselves, then privatisation could be the answer!

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

They're not even pretending any more!

Some police forces have, completely oblivious to historical precedent dropped the Traditional white shirt for a black one, because it doesn't show the civilians' blood is more practical. I had not noticed, till I saw some of Hertfordshire's finest looking like they were on an outward bound expedition rather than policing the streets.

Then, I saw two coppers in London, looking more like paramilitary thugs than people whose job is to protect the public. I would have taken a picture, but I would have got arrested immediately and had a knightstick rammed up my arse. Whilst this might have been fun in its way, I was on my way to a date with an example of the non-hairy half of the human race, and in a hurry, so bum-rape off a truncheon came a poor second. If I wanted paramilitary thugs to ram knightsticks up my crack, rather than police who catch the bad guys, I'd go live in an uncivilised country like France or Spain. But I don't want to do that. I want to be able to trust an impartial, civilian police force, thank you very much.

Note to New Labour: Appearances matter. Can we have a civilian police back? Please?

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Photography of the Police IS banned

That Harry Potter 'star' caught for cannabis offences: what led the police to Arrest him?

Waylett and his friend John Innis, 20, were stopped under the Terrorism Act in St John's Wood, north-west London, after the actor took a photograph of a police patrol as they drove past. Innis's black Audi was searched and police discovered a butterfly lock-knife under the driver's seat and eight small bags of herbal cannabis.
First a butterfly knife is not a lock knife - the two terms are not interchangable. And secondly where does it say in the Terrorism act that two young men 'photographing' the police, probably as part of a You Tube film making attempt, using mobile phones, constitutes grounds for being stopped and searched?

Everyone should take pictures of every pig bastard they see. We've all got mobiles. Let's have the police waste their time, the cunts. The bastards cannot arrest us all, and sooner or later someone will point out to the thick fuckers who were too fat and stupid for the army, that photographing the police, or photography in any other public place IS NOT ILLEGAL and DOES NOT CONSTITUTE GROUNDS FOR ARREST OR SEARCH, unless THERE ARE REASONS TO SUSPECT IT IT TERRORIST RELATED. i.e. INTELLIGENCE OR AN ONGOING SURVEILLANCE OPERATION.

Another badly written law, extended by misinterpretation by the police serving to make law abiding people get into trouble with the police totally unnessesarily and enabling the police to go on fishing expeditions. So some young men had some weed. I bet everyone is safer and sleeps easier in their beds knowing that there's one more tick in the sanction detection box. Useless New Labour Cunts. Goose-Stepping plod twats. fuck! I hate them all so very much.

To infinity and beyond!

Because it’s the 40th Anniversary of the Apollo landing on the moon, the Americans are banging on about going back there. Or better yet they want to land someone on Mars. Now Mars is a place that we already have camera pictures of, without having the need to go there. Let some $50 Million NASA remote control golf cart visit the place. We as humans have more important things to do. The journey there would be long and arduous with terrible food and drinking your own recycled urine. On getting there you have a hostile atmosphere with stinking sulphurous gas clouds and very little else to see. If I wanted an uncomfortable journey to visit a deserted hole with bad food and liquid that tastes like piss, a hostile atmosphere and the permanent stink of excrement I’d go here. Mars has 97% Carbon Dioxide, so does the garlic breath of a Gitanes smoking “poet” with a beret.

Landing on the moon is a great source of pride for the Americans. But as Al Murray quite rightly pointed out “If you notice, nobody else was trying were they”? Its only a Race when you’re competing against somebody else. On the other hand I’m with the astronauts in their need to punch out every tinfoil hat wearing moron who says we never went there. Go back to watching Capricorn One you idiots, they landed there, get a life. But since we landed on one barren rock, I see no need to go to another one just because it’s a different colour. Besides, last time we visited Mars with a manned unit, we ended up in a 10 year war with two circles of light shining over dead people. Luckily we had Captain Scarlett to sort those Martian fuckers out.

Britblog roundup # 231

is up over at Redemption Blues, with the chameleon's usual thoroughness... Enjoy!

Racing spoons

Debenhams have recorded a fall in the sale of knives. Naturally this has nothing to do with the Home Office and its attempt to stop knife crime, that’s still rising astronomically despite their banning of the completely unrelated fake Samurai Swords. Ditto handgun crime, despite them forcing single shot .22 Olympic athletes to train in the Channel Islands. But rather the fall in sale of knives is due to an alleged fall off in our table manners.

According to the Yorkshire Post, Forks are outselling matching Knives by two to one. Debretts – those chaps and chapesses who wish to keep the Great British public’s etiquette sealed in aspic somewhere during the reign of William IV – have come up with the rather obvious solution. They blame the pernicious influence of Jonny Foreigner and his importation of Rice, Pasta and the witchcraft that is the Microwave – for which you don’t need a knife to eat.

If you want to use even fewer pieces of cutlery, and save on the dishwasher tablets, I draw your attention to the 24 Hour Ration pack. It’s quick and easy to cook, and you’ll only ever need a spoon to eat it. You also save time by only needing the Khazi every 3rd day. And all you have to do is avoid Menu A (Burger and beans), chuck out the Biscuits Brown and you’re laughing. Although Debretts would have a heart attack if they saw you eat one.

Class(room) Barriers

Former Cabinet minister Alan Milburn is now claiming that “Soft Skills” like playing 3rd Codpiece in a Private School play is helping those “Elite” Private School kids get ahead. He also claims that playing the right sport (that’s RUGBY fyi) gives Private School kids the advantage in “socially exclusive professions” – That’s a Commission in the Blues & Royals, being a Nightclub promoter at Boujis, working in Hackett or developing a decent Polo Handicap for those of you not schooled in Zanu-Labour class consciousness.

So nothing to do with the fact that the State Education system has churned out illiterates thanks to the Comprehensive education system, whereas the Private education system does not. It’s nothing to do with the fact that the exam system is a joke; so Universities have to look at something other than grades to see whether a person is up to the “rigours” of a University education. It’s nothing to do with the fact that State School teachers have politicised the educational system that makes even the most staggeringly incompetent educator incapable of being fired. Or that they removed discipline from school so the feral scrotes have no comebacks when they treat their pathetic education with the contempt it deserves. Nope, it’s down to “Soft Skills”.

I suppose he has a point about “Registered Charities”, other than the fact that they are only Charities to stop the government from stealing every last penny they reinvest in their schools. If they are a charity, they theoretically should be charitable with their facilities, and share them with the local Comprehensive down the road. However there’s nothing in any Charities charter that says they have to be generous to everybody – unless you’re the church I suppose. Oxfam don’t have to share their mille meal with compulsive eaters, Sex addicts anonymous don’t let anybody in after the pubs shut, and free methadone isn’t available to every person in Scotland. How typical of ZanuLabour, they can’t provide something themselves, so they simply steal it from somebody who is competent enough to be able to provide it.

Still, on the bright side Mr. Millburn’s wishes may come true. Thanks to their destruction of the economy, the only people able to afford a decent future for their kids will be Chinese, not British. So that Eton education will be spreading “soft skills” to Beijing, not Birmingham. Congratulations Labour, we will then all live in a classless society.

Monday, 20 July 2009

How I squeezed cricket into a metaphor for the Welfare State.

Not since 1934 has England beat Australia at the home of Cricket. Which brings me to the genius of Test Cricket and the futility of "Accessibility".

With matches taking 5 days, and long periods in which a purist might say "pressure is building" but most observers think are simply "boring" and "nothing much happens", Test matches still manage to captivate a nation. Whereas I know no-one who actually thinks the cricket world cup is more important than a Test series. And this despite the fact that one-day cricket was designed specifically to be "accessible".

Yes One-day cricket is amenable to television audiences, but it is the test matches which everyone wants to win. The Saturday (usually the third day) of the test matches being the most popular, with Lords tickets in particualar even being a useful currency in business circles. T20 is an even more TV-friendly format, with matches lasting just 3-4 hours. But even new cricket watchers get bored with a slog-fest, in which the fielding team makes no serious efforts to take wickets.

If you forgive the jargon, England took the field this morning with a slip, a silly-mid-off and a short leg to Graeme Swann, whilst Flintoff at the other end was bowling to 3 or 4 slips and a gully. There were only a couple of sweepers covering the boundary, and most fielders were bearing down on the batsmen, saving one. England were able to say "hit the ball, if you dare". The doubts build in the batsmens' mind and eventually the wickets fall, though Batsmen were able to score a lot of boundaries. This was therefore a great test.

One-day cricket, on the other hand requires rules which force the fielding side to have anyone at all 'saving one'. If it weren't for the rules, fielding sides would be even more negative than they are at the moment, by putting the whole team in the outfield, gifting 1 or two runs a ball. Aside from an occasional slip, there are almost never any close catchers in ODIs. Endless Tip 'n run makes for a dull game, so rules were invented to force the fielding side to give runs away, and force the batsman to take risks. This makes me think the whole thing is artificial. Changes to the format of the game lead to problems and perverse incentives, which require rule changes, which entrench the problem.

Test cricket does not require rules about where fielders can go (apart from those resulting from the Aussie Whinge about 'leg theory'). There are no fatuous "power-plays", there is just a captain and his team, trying to get the other lot out. And the result is often a draw, and is not always pretty, but at its best a test-match remains the most compelling spectacle in sport. By measuring the wrong thing, run-rate in this case, you create rules which spoil the game.

Which is sort of like New Labour's attempt to change the country. So what if a free country is unequal? Especially if you use a measure as fatuous as income inequality or GINI , so long as everyone is getting richer, we're all better off. And freer countries are richer on average than unfree ones. Attempts to sort out GINI, tend to be increases in taxation and more spending on social provision - direct transfers of wealth which reduce freedom for both the taxed and the benefit recipient.

So like the ICB trying to make the supposedly more exciting game even more exciting, the Labour Government tinkered with the rules. Seeing "a problem" that there are some people who don't earn very much, it was decided to give those people money. So that this could be targeted at labour voters the most needy, the system designed was incredibly bureaucratic. Because of the bureaucracy in accessing the rest of the benefits system, people choose not to take up work because of lost benefits, because short periods of temporary work just do not pay; or they decide to work cash-in-hand. To counter this, Labour forces its clients to accept unsuitable work, and criminalises those who take cash in hand.

The result is a human misery machine without equal. The moderately wealthy (and even people who are by any measure relatively poor) are taxed at punitive rates, in order to trap 10% or more of the population on benefits.

There is nothing which exemplifies the New Labour approach than the 10p tax band. Introduced by Gordon Brown as a tax cut to the poorest paid, it was scrapped so he could offer a boondongle to the middle-England voter who was steadily deserting him for the Tories. It made the poor poorer* but 'solved' a problem. It's just the manifest injustice of it was noticed and not thought worth the few quid that most middle income households would save.

Likewise, someone worked out the vast scale of 'benefit fraud', a crime most people rightly see as 'very poor people claiming benefits, and doing a bit of work when they can get it, in order to make their grim lives a bit better and maybe get something... y'know... permanent out of it' but Labour class as 'theft'. So they decide that everyone will need an ID card, to access benefits, and that benefit recipeints (and also the rest of us) were going to be subject to the most obscene level of sureillance found anywhere in the world.

Every policy, every measure of this hopeless Government stems from the idea that Government should sort out peoples' problems, leading to ever more micromanagement and legislative diahorrea in an ever expanding civil-service circle-jerk of insanity. And all because they measured something unamenable to government action and made it the centre of a Government by target, they chased their tail in a futile attemt to "end poverty".

So just as Cricket authorities spoiled the game to satisfy their hard-on for television ratings, Labour, in attempting to make the unequal equal have turned the UK into a hellish panopticon, causing misery for all. Of course, of the two problems, the growth of so much limited overs cricket is by far the more serious of the problems, cricket being cricket, whereas politics is, well just politics.

*which does not mean I think it was a good policy at the start. What about raising the allowance?

What a Chopper

It has been reported that Gordon Brown wanted to arrange a photo-op with the troops whose lives he has endangered more than necessary in Afghanistan. I guess the idea was that the wankstain would show up, get himself pictured next to one of our few Helicopters in the region. Lie through his teeth about how he was in no way responsible for slashing the MOD helicopter budget, whilst using precious resources in the middle of a major operation to protect his sorry fat arse.

Does this slimy little bastard honestly believe that a couple of photos next to the decent and honourable troops in the region would convince the British public that he gives a shit about them? If so both this one-eyed prick and his PR director needs a brain transplant. Everybody knows he hates the Army, because they don’t vote Labour. Gordon Brown lies so much that even if he was pictured with a Helicopter, people would assume that either the thing was broken and couldn’t fly; or that the MOD had dragged Jasper Maskelyne out of retirement and that it was an elaborate mirage to fool the Taliban.

The Government planned on renting a bunch of Mi-8 and Mi-26 Helicopters with their Russian pilots to ferry the lads round the region. I suppose they thought since both the Pilots and the airframes served in the last Afghan war they would feel at home. There were only three tinsy winsy faults in the plan. Firstly the Russian pilots will probably have flashbacks flying there 30 years after going there in the first place, secondly the pilots will be drunk, thirdly the Afghans were pretty good at shooting these helicopters down last time. But since the Taliban just shot one down, the MOD’s ardour has cooled.

Oh and silly of me to forget – the fucking helicopters are over thirty fucking years old. Why not raid Duxford for its Sopwith Camels whilst you’re at it? They have a STOL facility, The Royal Flying Corps managed to take off and land in farmer's fields, and the Propeller would carry out the crop destruction of Opium Poppies whilst you’re at it – dual purpose technology. Since they are Bi-planes you could double the load capacity by strapping one soldier to each wing, and with their synchronised belt fed Vickers are probably more heavily armed than the Russian Helicopters too.

Saturday, 18 July 2009

Top 10 Political Blogs

Iain Dale is undertaking his annual appeal for people to vote for their top Blogs.

Naturally you're all to vote for me by e-mailing

I am not allowed to tell you for whom to vote, but I will tell you who I voted for (this is not the order I voted for them Don't just copy and paste this list because that is against the rules, and will get your vote discounted, assuming I have more than a handful of readers....), But I would especially like to see Heresy Corner, Underdogs Bite Upwards and Raedwald do well. Anyone from my sidebar (apart from those in "blogs by idiots") would be worth a vote!


10. Samizdata

perhaps everyone should vote for that tit Tim Ireland too just to piss him off.

The Rules:

1. You must vote for your ten favourite blogs and ranks them from 1 (your favourite) to 10 (your tenth favourite).
2. Your votes must be ranked from 1 to 10. Any votes which do not have rankings will not be counted.
3. You MUST include ten blogs. If you include fewer than ten your vote will not count.
4. Email your vote to
5. Only vote once.
6. Only blogs based in the UK, run by UK residents or based on UK politics are eligible.
7. Anonymous votes left in the comments will not count. You must give a name
8. All votes must be received by midnight on 31 July 2009. Any votes received after that date will not count.

Friday, 17 July 2009

Luke Akehurst and Libertarian Attack Dogs

Whilst I am a card-carrying member of the Tory party, I am unusual amongst libertarian bloggers. Mr E votes Tory, but isn't a member; and the rest of the tribe are of the Foamy Mouthed "blu-Labour, they're all as bad as each other, nothing will change" nihilistic cynics and support the Libertarian party if they can bear to support anything.

Luke Akehurst. A few Hundred more Tory Votes.

Which is why Luke Akehurst's attack on "libertarian bloggers" as Tory stooges this morning is so risible.
Libertarian blogger Paul Staines (AKA Guido Fawkes) has said he’s donated £5,000 towards the £100,000 needed to bring a private prosecution against Jacqui Smith over her expenses claims.
This post is attempting to link the Tory party to Libertarian attack dogs based on the idea that you're either Labour or a "Tory". Either you're open about being and enemy of the people a Tory, or you will be exposed as a cryptofacsist Tory. Why use Staines' real name? Everyone knows who Guido is, and his name has been in the public domain for a long time. Using both makes Akehurst look like a particularly stupid teachers pet, telling on the naughty boy long after the troublemaker's been caught.
The case is being brought by the Sunlight Centre for Open Politics – which was founded by Staines and employs Chris Galley, the former Tory council candidate and Home Office civil servant who was sacked after being arrested in connection with leaking information to the Tory Immigration spokesperson, Damian Green MP.
It should be noted that no prosecutions were brought in the Green case, and the whole thing smells of a politically motivated abuse of due process. "Former Tory council candidate" does not mean "has Cameron's number on speed-dial". I am a former Tory Council candidate for Christ's sake! Staines is backing his political campaign, which he sees as a campaign for justice against thieving politicians with his own money. It is a principle of democracy that the Government should be scared of the People, not the other way round. If Jacqui boots has done nothing wrong, then British justice should see to it that Staines loses a lot of money.... either that or after 12 years of New Labour, British Justice is so corrupted that Smith cannot get a fair trial. Which is it, Luke?
Despite their public confidence about electoral victory, the Tories and their "provisional wing" of arms-lengthed blog attack dogs seem to be resorting to increasingly desperate tactics.
Desperate tactics? I think arresting an opposition spokesman on trumped up charges using an obsolete 19th century law, riding roughshod over Parliamentary privilege and the principles of democracy in order to do so is pretty desperate. And if you're calling the Tory party "desperate" because someone who isn't a member, but you think might be sympathetic to the Tory cause is bringing a private prosecution on something he's long campaigned, then you're the one being "desperate" Luke, not the Tories.
They are right not to put blind faith in the opinion polls and they know that the next election is all to play for. They are panicking and lashing out with extra-democratic measures in an effort to harm the government.
I Think the Labour government, which governed by focus group and opinion poll, with its control Freakery and abuse of process; its briefing, deception and spin could teach the Tories a thing or two about "extra democratic measures".
Cameron has already tried to scare voters by warning of riots in the streets if Labour win the next election. His father in law, Lord Astor,...
did you see the class-war dog-whistle there?
...has called for the Countryside Alliance to adopt civil disobedience and the editor of the Daily Telegraph has admitted that his papers’ motivation for its exposé of MPs expenses was to get “that place (Parliament) cleared out” because of the “bad laws that have been passed by what we now know to be a number of bad people”.
And what is wrong with a paper exposing wrong-doing?



Oh yes... some of those exposed were nomenkultura, who have every right to fiddle expenses in a way which would have us little people in front of the beak. Of course you want one day to enjoy the perks so badly, it hurts.
And now we have the adoption of US-style private prosecutions. Brought with the aim of harassing Labour, diverting it from the job in hand and ultimately discrediting it with the electorate on a "no smoke without fire" basis.
Which is why Jacqui boots authorised the arrest of Damien Green... What? You mean she denies all knowledge? Sue Me.
The Sunlight Centre for Open Politics is straight out of the Republican Party handbook of dirty politics. The most famous persecution of a politician through the courts in America was the Starr prosecution against the Clintons
He shouldn't have got gobbled off by a fat lass then, should he? Or more accurately he shouldn't have lied about not having "sexual relations with that woman"
does anyone really think that case did anything to strengthen America’s democracy? It was a massive distraction from the important issues of the day and a huge financial and emotional drain on the targets.
My heart bleeds for the poor little multi-millionaire twice-elected US president and Commander in chief of the most powerful nation on earth, Bill Clinton.
Of course Staines and co are off the leash enough from the Tories that they will, as with the Telegraph expenses saga, take out a few Tory politicians too - acceptable collateral damage for Cameron as it enables him to parachute in more A listers - but social democratic politicians are always going to be the primary targets for the libertarian right.
We attack Social Democrats because social democratic politicians are hell-bent on increasing the state's control over our lives. We don't agree with social democrats because we don't want smoking bans in pubs, compulsory eating of vegetables, sin taxes and all the nannying interfering shit with which New Labour attempt to control our every waking moment. What you're saying boils down to "there are people who don't agree with me, and some of them might be Tories". Well welcome to a competitive democracy, you totalitarian squit.
Cue foaming at the mouth comments and links from the most rabid section of the attack blog dogs.
It doesn't need "foaming at the mouth" comments. Most libertarians would vote for a floating turd before they voted Labour, and the first principle is to get rid of the Government. This does not make Staines et al. Tories, and to assume that all enemies of Labour are conservatives or in league with them says more than you realise about how you view politics, Luke, and it is not a pleasant sight.

Akehurst has form: he was, if you remember, the oik who thought, like Jo Moore, that getting a victim of the 7/7 bombings, to run in support of 42-day internment without trial for brown people Terrorist suspects against David Davis*, was a good idea (read the comments!). Someone like Rachel from North London perhaps?

Look at his "about me" section. Look how serious and po-faced he is. Look at the list of meagre achievements, which say "I want to be an MP, soooooooo badly". This post demonstrates why New Labour failed. It is because it attracted nasty little power-hungry principle-vacuums like Luke Akehurst, who almost certainly fantasise about their acceptance speech on election night when they masturbate. It's rather pathetic.

Luke Akehurst is The Emperor's clothes.

*Haltemprice was Sir Alan Beresford B'Stard's seat in 'the New Statesman' just thought I'd chuck that in there...

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Political Correctness Gone Mad!

Political Correctness Gone Mad! You couldn't make it up!

Are two phrases on the banned list for contributors to this blog. For the simple reason that the former is shorthand for poorly thought-out opinion, which is being reinforced by a perception of oppression. The latter because you can make it up, and if the story is coming from a newspaper report, someone probably has.

So I have some sympathy for Don Paskini's contribution to Liberal Conspiracy today. He is right, one can talk about immigration or the family without suffering punishment for doing so. And he's right that anyone committing the two weasel phrases (PCGM and YCMIU) to the page can almost immediately be described as an idiot, and any subsequent opinion ignored. Debate is no longer stifled.

The problem with Paskini's charge is that the the coalition of left-wing opinion formers which form the idealogical core of the New Labour project have attempted to do just that for most of the last decade: the 2001 and 2005 elections for example were fought with the Conservatives saying that "there are too many immigrants" and the Labour party saying "look at the nasty racists". Likewise anyone suggesting that the Nuclear family containing a man, woman and a brace of sprogs is 'an ideal' will be described as homophobic, or not reflective of 'modern' Britain. Out of touch. And if the speaker has dipped his wick in anything other than his wife, there will be the inevitable charge of Hypocrisy.

What has happened is opinions which were off limits - immigration sucks for those of us already here; or marriage should be supported by the tax and benefits system - are now no longer off limits. Indeed as Don Paskini points out

For example, I have read or seen these opinions argued for, and claims made about how they have been suppressed, in the Sun, the Daily Mail, the Daily Express, the Daily Telegraph, the Times, the Evening Standard, by religious leaders of all the major faiths, by the Conservative Party, the UK Independence Party, the British National Party, in bookshops, in reports produced by think tanks, on the telly, on the radio, and, of course, on the internet (this is not an exhaustive list).

I therefore conclude that us lefties are obviously doing a pretty hopeless job of using political correctness to stifle freedom of speech...
The fact is that the left, on these issues anyway, lost. The people don't like immigration. They're wrong not to, It's the welfare state they should hate instead. Most people still exist in, or aspire to exist in a nuclear family. Personally, I think a nuclear gay family is certain to be better than what is laughably called 'care', and homosexuals should therefore be allowed (encouraged?) to adopt children. People should be free to marry, and it is none of the state's damn business whom. But a plurality of people disagree, and despite new labour's best efforts, we do still live in a democracy.

So we can rightly dismiss claims of a suppression of free speech, but we mustn't get upset when the left disagrees. Commenter Neil:
Basically, they’re allowed to call a spade a spade. But we’re not allowed to call an idiot an idiot.
We must instead seek to persuade. Commenter cjcjc:
In other words there hasn’t really been much of a “debate” - rather both the proponents and opponents of immigration have been talking pretty much to themselves, but not to each other.
And they are absolutely right. Which is why I rarely comment on blogs I agree with, and instead make a nuisance of myself over at Bob Piper, Stumbling and Mumbling or Lib Con. So if someone thinks my opinions are as vile as I think a lefty's are, I should not get upset when they point out their disagreement in robust Anglo-Saxon. It is after all what I do all the time.

If I can make one complaint though, it is left-wing bloggers lumping libertarians who really, really care about freedom in general and freedom of speech in particular, with authoritarian petty bourgeois ignoramuses who read the Daily Hate, who all get put in an amorphous lump as 'the right'*. Mail readers, it should be noted are the constituency which delivered three general election victories to the Corporatist totalitarians of New Labour. I hate the daily Mail more than the pinkest of Guardianistas. Being lumped with those bastards fucking pisses me right of, and anyone who makes that mistake, is a cunt.

*I'm certain I am guilty of the same crime with "the left" . Sorry, but at least I have tried to define what I mean.

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Don't stand so close to me

It seems that our politicians don’t want to sit next to each other, at least if they are the BNP and anybody else. Now the BNP are vile little shits, whom after hearing what they said about Johnson Beharry VC should be at the receiving end of a Battalion sized kicking. Nevertheless thanks to ZanuLabour immigration policy they have persuaded a small number of deluded and quite frankly stupid people to vote for them. We don’t (thanks to First past the post) have to deal with them in the UK, but we do have to sit with them in Europe since they are democratically elected. Not to do so gives them ammunition, as they can point to how petty opposition to them has got. It legitimises them even more in the eyes of their supporters.

Diane Dodds – the Independent Democratic Unionist who has refused to sit next to the buggers is bang out of order. As far as the European parliament goes the BNP are hardly uniquely evil. There’s god knows how many Fascists, Commies and assorted terrorist loons whose gut instinct would be to ship parts of their own population off in boxcars, be they Gypsies or Landowners. If politicians refused to sit next to each other because of the fact that one or both of them was a nasty piece of work, there would be more barriers between them than Hampton Court maze. So she should hold her nose and plonk her butt next to them. She can of course wear this T-shirt.

Labour are loosing bowel control in their pants over this, the thought of all “their” white feral underclass starting to respond like Pavlov’s Dog to vote for chaps in spiffy black shirts, rather than Red rosettes, is a nightmare to them. They’ll be left with the inner cities, Journalists and diversity outreach co-ordinators being the only part of their client state that can be relied on to vote for them and/or spout the party line. And as a result they want “All Parties” to deal with the BNP threat, when quite clearly the only party that is threatened by a minority BNP taking enough votes to put them out of contention in some seats is Labour. They are too small to worry any other party, Their policies of vast state handouts are hardly going to appeal to Conservative voters, whilst their distinctly Un-PC language isn’t going to appeal to Liberals.

Britblog roundup # 229

The much delayed juicings from the fruitiest bits of the British Blogosphere are up over at the Wardman Wire. Travelgall's work gets an honourable mention, but I get the credit. The perks of being boss!

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Leave us alone...

Tip of the hat to Counting Cats.

Having a go at Cranmer

In a recent post, Cranmer has a go at the new NHS programme which advises kids* that knocking one out a couple of times a week is healthy. The aim is that if teenagers learn to enjoy sex by wanking like little grey monkeys in the zoo, then they might delay getting to grips with each other, spawning bastards and catching a dose of the clap. Needless to say, our god-bothering correspondent is not amused and asks

Why is the NHS devoting resources to producing what is, in effect, child enticement?
He does have a point, but in this case, I think I can play the man, not the ball. The church has not exactly covered itself in glory with its abstinence only nonsense, whilst at the same time, queering around with the choir boys (yes, I know Cranmer is an Anglican...) On balance I think I would rather the NHS Sheffield approach than someone telling my kids that sex is a 'sin'.

Anyone who tries to import the poisonous, religion-fuelled abortion 'debate' from the USA, by making the issue party political loses the right to be taken seriously on anything else willy, bum and fanny related. Reducing the abortion limit to 24 weeks is not "the thin end of the wedge" towards outlawing elective terminations, it merely pushes the boundary back to the current limit of viability. Any suggestion that the Conservative party (as opposed to some of its nuttier elements) are aiming to ban contraceptive abortions is ludicrous.

*more specifically the leaflet is aimed at 'educators', so the entire premise of Cranmer's post rather falls over.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Tools down mes amis

French Garment manufacturers unveil their latest high quality blouse

According to Bloomberg and Sky; French workers have threatened to blow up their plant in a dispute over severance pay. They are also threatening to blow up stock of Renault and Peugeout Citroen unless the carmakers don’t meet their demands for Eur 30,000 severance pay for each employee. They say “We haven’t attached a detonator just yet, the temptation might prove too great”. I Suppose this is the natural next step in evolution in French thought. After you kidnap your bosses until they give into your demands, what's the odd explosion between friends. Can somebody please explain why the French cops haven’t gone in yet with a SWAT team? Oh I forgot; these idiots can do whatever they want as the French Government will cave into their demands. Just as they cave in to the demands of the Farmers and the Fishermen each time they blockade some port or motorway.

It begs the question of whether the bomb will go off if the car parts in question go over 55 MPH. France – what a great place to do business. Their stellar industrial relations would be an asset to any company. No matter how much debt Gordon gets us into, we’re still better off that the idiots next door. The European model will never provide a way of creating jobs and a future for most of its workers. It can only try and defend the old jobs it has in a Canute like fashion.


A great piece from LFAT. I totally agree with the statement “There are no words to express how angry I am. There really aren’t".

E By Gum. Is Thou saying I don’t speek proper.

No problems getting a job

ZanuLabour's desperate attempt to create new client states and more boxes to tick continues apace. With Harridan Harperson saying discrimination against Northerners will be banned. I am curious as a Yorkshireman to know when I have been discriminated against. I’ve never seen a pub with a sign “No Blacks, No Work wear, No people who say ‘I’m not drinking that Southern pisswater’”. I was going to write an article about the staggering mindset it requires coming out with this divisive and useless drivel. Instead I’m simply going to say what on earth are you fucking thinking you nauseating cow?

Prejudice against Northerners? What the Fuck? Is Sean Bean not getting enough TV adverts? Are Scousers not getting enough cars with alloy wheels driving through their town to keep them in sports attire? Are Geordies being deliberately sold skirts without enough fabric in them thereby denying them work in the vital Convent Industries? Where is this prejudice you speak of? When were Northerners ever denied jobs because of where they come from? Indeed in some industries the opposite is true. Due to the fact that unlike Labour MPs (except of course Labour MPs from Yorkshire), Yorkshiremen are honest and say what they feel they are actually a trusted accent and are in demand by sales teams. If anything you need to introduce discrimination laws against people from Birmingham, as even a Phd Astrophysicist sounds as thick as two short planks with a Brummie accent.

I honestly think she’s making up new groups to be offended. British troops are dying because you don’t provide them with the correct kit. The economy is going down the Khazi, and you have time to devote to this claptrap. Harriet - You have no shame, no honour and no clue. Bugger off to the Circus where you belong you ghastly bitch.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Keeping the British end up

Are you pleased to see me Comrade?

Normally I’m not a big fan of the Federalnaya Sezopasnosti Bezopasnosti rossiyskoy federaciyi (the FSB or Russian Federal Security Service). Actually not to put too blunt a point on it I’m not a fan of theirs at all due in part because they spread Radioactive poison all over my home town. So I had to laugh when this hit the web – one of our diplomats getting caught having it off with a couple of Russian horizontal recreation facilitators*. It is quite clear that an FSB “Honey Trap” has crashed and burned quite spectacularly, as the guy clearly doesn’t care that he’s been caught in “Ugandan discussions”. Obviously the chap will be fairly distraught at the pace of his activities as 4 minutes 18 seconds, including the opening of the Champagne, is a pretty poor effort. Indeed it is Alan B’stard MP quick. Nevertheless the FSB should have checked whether the bloke was “happily married” before they pulled this crap. The point of blackmail is that the person in question has something more to loose than his job, or indeed that he cares about his job in the first place. I suspect the KGB FSB chap in charge of this particular opperation is now counting trees in Novaya Zemlya.

* Hookers

Jaguar Model

Considering this design is 46 years old it still looks incredible, an absolute classic that will be beautiful for an age to come. Fantastically lovely lines with a poise, grace and elegance. The fact that the model is well loved only enhances the charm and mystery, as you ache to take it out and really put it through its paces. At the same time you just know there’s plenty of power under the hood, and it would be an awful lot of fun. There’s real personality in this creation. I think the accessories work well too.

The car doesn’t look bad either.

Give me freedom or give me Cabbage

Jamie Oliver recommended eating lots of fruit

“I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli”. George Bush Sr

I don’t know if you remember this but a while back Mockney Jamie Oliver M.B.E. was pushing healthy food at kids who were too young to know that broccoli is a side dish – always has been, always will be. He tried to get the government to feed these poor innocents like a Tuscan peasant with something called “Sun Dried Tomatoes”; which I believe is a Tomato that made it to the floor rather than the Ketchup bottle for some reason or other. And Jamie was lauded by parents the length and breadth of Upper Street N5. But like all paved with good intentions ideas, when you try to interfere in peoples lives they push back. In this case the Kids have voted with their feet in the direction of the nearest Pasty shop.

Naturally they’ve got a tax payer funded government Quango to support this failed Government initiative, in this case its the School Food Trust; who have trotted out the usual Tractor Stats. They say that take up in Tofu has increased by a cock hair. Nevertheless the “figures” cannot disguise the fact that 2 out of 3 school kids who are old enough to waddle to McDonalds aren’t eating Jamies’ Roast Humus, Tapenade and Aardvark dropping quiche. Now I suspect these 2 out of 3 figures aren’t entirely accurate either; as I used to bunk off school dinners on a Friday when it was fish day (why this Popery had infected a Methodist School is beyond me). Yorkshire has the greatest Fish & Chips in the world*, fresh Haddock with the skin removed, lovingly coated with Beer Batter and cooked in beef dripping. Why the hell would I eat some breaded shite made outside the White Rose county? But I ate school dinners when it was Roast Beef and Yorkshires followed by spotted dick and custard. But nevertheless 2 out of 3 is probably a good working average of those dodging salad each day.

I suspect that the kids will pick and choose what they eat, basically because they’ve not got their father standing over them threatening to tan their hides unless they eat their spinach. But that’s the bloody point, since when has it been the role of government to decide what I bloody well eat – even at the tender age of 8. The school cooks serve up crap that kids like to eat, and since most modern parents can’t boil an egg at least they get something into them. Its not the role of government to sadistically force feed vegetables into kids, it’s the role of a sadistic lesbian P.E. Teacher to work the blubber off their fat arses. And it’s the role of parents not to give them £10 a day to spend on a Coronary in a bap.

Not one of your 5 a Day

So what can be done to convince Children to eat healthily? “Simples”. Just pretend as a parent that you think Chips and Burgers are really “sick” which I believe is the modern vernacular for what we knew as “cool”. And that kids wouldn’t like Cauliflower, its only for adults to eat. I guarantee they’ll be guzzling Crab Grass smoothies by the end of the week.

* This is not up for debate. If I had a quid every time somebody down South said. “Yes, but, well. There’s this great fish and chip shop where I live” I’d be writing this from a laptop in the Caymans. “I guarantee you that its great”. You turn up – Cod, in normal batter cooked in Groundnut oil or some other shite with the feckin skin ON. Only Yorkshire produces decent Fish and Chips.

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Producer interest at work.

If someone's having a heart attack, you'd go into a building to help 'em. Wouldn't you? Especially if you were a paramedic, and that was your job? But according to Reynolds at Random Acts of Reality, standing around for 16 minutes conducting a risk assessment exercise is perfectly OK, because the paramedic was... wait for it... on his own. Solo paramedics are an innovation that the Labour government assured us would cost no lives. Well Ben Bradshaw should have one man's death on his conscience. Another petty new Labour lie.

On Tuesday, I had a drink with a teacher, who resolutely defended the state education system, and took any criticism of it almost as a personal slight. The thesis was that state education is getting better, and exams aren't getting easier, and my opinion that it isn't and they are was not worth spit, because I am not of the profession. A trait I notice across much of the public sector. Just as many doctors and nurses see criticism of the bloody NHS as criticism of them personally, true to form, Reynolds, a paramedic plays the men, not the ball, and has a go at the ignoramuses of the 'My Sun' sandpit

what really sticks in my throat is the comments by the Great British Public who take the rubbish that is printed in the Sun as gospel. When every story becomes a trial by media it's interesting how quickly people are to judge something based on 380 words that they have read in a tabloid paper.

this idiot should be given life in prison

This medic should be struck off straight away, no questions ...

Typical Britain today,what a b****y disgrace, everything is Health and Safety, Hitlerite jobsworths ...

These people want us to risk our lives to save them when they make comments like that? What next? Moaning because I have two perfectly good kidneys and I should give one of them up for transplant so that someone else can live? Offering to be stabbed in place of someone else because we 'save lives' and are 'paid for it'?
but I'm afraid I am tempted to agree with them. In this case though "hitlerite" is probably a bit strong, someone died because of another's failure to do his job adequately, and 'heath and saftey is the given reason'. There are laws against such incompetence, and perhaps this paramedic should see the inside of a gaol cell "pour encourager les autres". After all, I can suffer unlimited fines and seven years in gaol for failure to fill forms in correctly. Why shouldn't a paramedic risk gaol if excessive "risk assessment" costs a man his life?

Yes. Coppers do a difficult job, so do nurses, paramedics and teachers. But none put themselves at risk like fishermen or construction workers, who are not routinely lauded for their bravery and selflessness. In this case, the paramedic is guilty of unprofessionalism and yes, cowardice. But we lay people who merely pay for these brave and selfless people to do their thing are not, according to my friend and Reynolds allowed an opinion on someone's actions because we don't know what we're talking about. I cannot possibly have an opinion on education policy because I am not a teacher. Reynolds says I'm not allowed to criticise a cowardly paramedic, scared of his own shadow, because I've never driven an ambulance. Yet I have to put up with ignoramuses lecturing me on how "bonuses caused the financial crisis" on the evening news every night.

No wonder the bureaucracy becomes captured by producer interest, and public services in this country are shit - we give the people paid out of taxation too soft a ride, constantly massaging their obviously delicate egos by telling them, over and over, what wonderful selfless people they are. The sooner these professions are accountable to people who aren't going to be knee-jerk apologists for their union buddies, the better.

And if you're asking, yes. I would have done it differently. I WOULD have gone in.

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